Seven Weeks Until BIFF

And this week's choice for best musical song number is from Fiddler on the Roof (1971) starring Chaim Topol as Tevye. The film, adapted from the 1964 Broadway musical, is about the Orthodox Jewish family of Tevye (wife Golda and five daughters) living in the town of Anatevka in Tsarist Russia in 1905. Fiddler won three Academy Awards (Best Song Score Adaptation, Best Cinematography, and Best Sound) and two Golden Globe Awards. John Williams won his first Academy Award for his adaptation of the score (Originally written by Sheldon Harnick and Jerry Bock).

Fiddler on the Roof is a production loaded with amazing songs. It is difficult to pick the one most outstanding - - "Tradition" the iconic number that sets up the Jewish culture plot permeating the play / film story - it's hard to  be Jewish in Russia, "Sunrise Sunset" represents the end of childhood as Tevye's oldest daughter is married, the duet "Do You Love Me" that questions a marriage arranged by a matchmaker and reminds of the journey of life, or "Far From the Home I Love" sung by Tevye's middle daughter Hovel explaining her following her love away from the small town.

This week's choice is "If I Were a Rich Man."

Other great songs include "Matchmaker", "To Life", "Anatevka", and "Miracles of Miracles".

Lyrics:

"Oh Dear Lord, you made many, many poor people.

I realize, of course, it's no shame to be poor.

But it's no great honor either!

So, what would have been so terrible
if I had a small fortune?"

If I were a rich man,

Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.

All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.

If I were a wealthy man.

I wouldn't have to work hard.

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

If I were a biddy biddy rich,

Idle-diddle-daidle-daidle man.

I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,

Right in the middle of the town.

A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below.

There would be one long staircase just going up,

And one even longer coming down,

And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

I'd fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese and ducks

For the town to see and hear.

Squawking just as noisily as they can.

With each loud "cheep" "swaqwk" "honk" "quack"

Would land like a trumpet on the ear,

As if to say "Here lives a wealthy man."

Eyeh . . If I were a rich man,

Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.

All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.

If I were a wealthy man.

I wouldn't have to work hard.

Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.

If I were a biddy biddy rich,

Idle-diddle-daidle-daidle man.

I'd see my wife, my Golde, looking like a rich man's wife

With a proper double-chin.

Supervising meals to her heart's delight.

I see her putting on airs and strutting like a peacock.

Oh, what a happy mood she's in.

Screaming at the servants, day and night.

The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!

They would ask me to advise them,

Like a Solomon the Wise.

"If you please, Reb Tevye..."

"Pardon me, Reb Tevye..."

Posing problems that would cross a rabbi's eyes!

And it won't make one bit of difference if i answer right or wrong.

When you're rich, they think you really know!

If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack

To sit in the synagogue and pray.

And maybe have a seat by the Eastern wall.

And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, several hours every day.

That would be the sweetest thing of all.

If I were a rich man,

Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.

All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.

If I were a wealthy man.

I wouldn't have to work hard.

Idle-diddle-daidle-daidle man.

Lord who mad the lion and the lamb,

You decreed I should be what I am.

Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?

If I were a wealthy man.

Another Worst Musical Number

None of the musical numbers selected for this year's musical countdown till BIFF are from films selected for this year's festival. One of the musicals that was screened by the planning committee was "From Justin to Kelly" (2003). This film was set during a spring break at Fort Lauderdale, FL. A singing waitress from Texas, Kelly Taylor (Played by Kelly Clarkson), falls for a Pennsylvania college student, Justin Bell (Justin Guarini).

The fantasy song "Wish Upon A Star" was sung by Katherine Bailess whose character in the movie was Alexa, Kelly's jealous friend who tried to keep her from meeting Justin. The number won a Razzie (Golden Raspberry Award) for worst choreography (In 2005, the musical won a Razzie for the Worst Musical of our first 25 Years).

An American Idol marketing ploy, FJTK was definitely in the running for 2013's "Bad, Bizzare and 'B'" lineup. It combined the worst of teen beach movies thrown together with the heavy-handed influence of Reality TV (Clarkson and Guarini were champ and runner-up in Season One), along with a musical. The film packaged cheesy songs strung together with a thin plot and sloppy dance choreography - - the results were slammed by the critics and tanked at the box office. Rated 1.9 of 10 at the Internet Movie Database (IMBD) and an 8% at Rotten Tomatoes. Clarkson explained her participation to Time Magazine with the phrase 'contractually obligated."

Running a close second for this week's choice was the ensemble dance number "The Bounce."

Lyrics to Wish Upon A Star by Lucie Silvas, Ben Chapman and Martin Harrington:

I'm gonna wish upon a star

The boys are bad, The boys are good

They would all love me if only they could

It's only play and only pretend

'Cause I can see through all those men now

Who am I supposed to be?

A girl who stays at home alone?

No, baby needs a fantasy

Someone who'll never let me go

Could I be forgiven

For how I want my life to be?

I'm gonna wish upon a star

I wanna go a little too far

Need a little love to get me by

Let's start with you and I

I'm gonna wish upon a star

Do you think I’m going too far

Need a little trouble to get me by

Let's start with you and I

I misbehave, night and day

I’m never gonna stop being this way

You know I’d never tell a lie to

Playing with fire is what I like to do

Everybody judges me

But it’s just a game I play

So tell me

Who am I supposed to be

What I want or what they see

Could I be forgiven

Just for needing to be me?

I'm gonna wish upon a star

I wanna go a little too far?

Need a little love to get me by

Let's start with you and I

I’m gonna wish upon a star

Don’t you think I’m going to far

Need a little trouble to get me by

Let’s start with you and I

Da dum

If you like what you'll see

Think you’ll get over me

Then gonna have it my way

So you better watch out

And you should have no doubt

I don't care what people say

I'm gonna wish upon a star

Need a little love to get me by

I'm gonna wish upon a star

I wanna go a little too far

Need a little love to get me by

Let's start with you and I

I'm gonna wish upon a star

Do you think I'm going too far

Need a little trouble to get me by

Let's start with you and I (you and I)

I'm gonna wish upon a star

I wanna go a little too far

Need a little love to get me by

Let's start with you and I

I'm gonna wish upon a star

Don't you think I'm going too far

Need a little trouble to get me by

Let's start with you and I (you and I)

This Week's Best Tune

What is generally considered the most popular musical of the Sixties; the movie (1965) that saved 20th Century Fox studios? Hint: the film won the 38th Oscars' Best Picture award. It featured music and lyrics from Richard Rogers and Oscar Hammerstein II. It was adapted for the screen from a successful 1959 stage musical about the singing Von Trapp family (Oscar Hammerstein died shortly after the stage musical opened on Broadway, before the film was made). The iconic opening featured long range camera images that soared over a view of the Austrian Alps (They were taken from a swooping helicopter). Julie Andrews with arms extended whirled on a lush hilltop and sang the title song "The hills are alive with the sound of music . . ."

That song is ranked number ten on AFI's (American Film Institute) list of the top 100 songs in American cinema. The Sound of Music continued with many other great song standards sung by Maria ("Sixteen Going on Seventeen"), the Mother Superior ("Climb Every Mountain"), the Von Trapp children ("My Favorite Things" and "Do Re Mi Fa") and their Navy Captain father ("Edelweiss").

A native Austrian in our family thinks the American obsession with this musical is a bit odd - the music, the story, and Sound of Music Tours to her country. Cheers Andrea (8-).

Lyrics by Rogers and Hammerstein:

The hills are alive with the sound of music

With songs they have sung for a thousand years

The hills fill my heart with the sound of music

My heart wants to sing every song it hears

My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds

that rise from the lake to the trees

My heart wants to sigh like a chime that flies

from a church on a breeze

To laugh like a brook when it trips and falls over

stones on its way

To sing through the night like a lark who is learning to pray

I go to the hills when my heart is lonely

I know I will hear what I've heard before

My heart will be blessed with the sound of music

And I'll sing once more

Another "Worst Musical Number' in a Film

If we say that Sylvester Stalone is the singer - - is that enough? 

In Rhinestone, the 1984 comedy film with musical numbers, Stalone played a New York cabbie (Nick Martinelli). Jake Farris (Played by Dolly Parton) has bet that she can turn any normal guy into a country singer. That's where Sly Stalone came in . . . So check out his performance singing "Drinkenstein."

Other Stalone songs in the movie were "Stay Out of My Bedroom" and "Sweet Lovin Friends" - both tunes sung with Dolly.

Rhinestone the musical had a very short run in theaters and was panned by most critics. Despite being a commercial flop, Dolly Parton gained two top ten country hits with "Tennessee Homesick Blues" and "God Won't Get You."

Lyrics to "Drinkenstein" written by Dolly Parton:

Budweiser you've created a monster

And they call him Drinkenstein

And the tavern down the street is the labba-tor-eye-ee

Where he makes the transformation all the time

And a stein of Dr. Bud is a pint of monster blood

And it does effect me different every time

Budweiser you've created a monster

And they call me Drinkenstein

And they call me Drinkenstein

I'm Drinkenstein

I'm Drinkenstien

(Additional Lyrics)

But he's a good old boy at heart as so many of them are

But when he's drinking, well that's something else again

Well you can sneak on out and leave, or you can sit and just agree

Or you can cross him if you want your face knocked in

'Cause he will hit ya as apt as not

And he can hurt ya, I swear to God

He's Drinkenstein

But every night's a different mood

There is a fun side to him, too

He loves to laugh, he love to joke, and he loves to dance

But watch your girlfriends and your wives

He'll steal 'em right before your eyes

'Cause he's a lover, so don't give him half the chance

'Cause he can do it, don't think he can't

'Cause women like him, 'cause he's strange

He's Drinkenstein

Budweiser you've created a monster 

And they call him Drinkenstein

And the tavern down the street is the labba-tor-eye-ee

Where he makes that transformation all the time

And a stein of Dr. Bud is just a pint of monster blood

And it does effect him different every time

Budweiser you've created a monster

And they call him Drinkenstein

And they call him Drinkenstein

Yeah!

He is foolish, the beer is fine

He's just ghoulish, he's Drinkenstein

Now he will say it if he thinks it

And it will change him if he drinks it

I'm Drinkenstein, you're Drinkenstein

She's Drinkenstein, we're all Drinkenstein

Drinkenstein, Drinkenstein, we're Drinkenstein

Oooooh, yeah!

BIFF Countdown: Best Musical Number

This weeks's nomination for the best musical song is the murderers row convicts singing "Cell Block Tango" in the movie Chicago (2002). Set in the 1920s, murderess Velma Kelly (Played by Catherine Zeta-Jones) killed her husband and sister after finding them in bed together. Roxie Hart (Played by Renee Zellweger) killed her boyfriend when she realized that he wasn't going to make her a star. Both Velma and Roxie find themselves on death row and fight for fame while trying to avoid the gallows. John C. Reilly (Roxie's faithful husband), Richard Gere (Lawyer Billy Flynn) and Queen Latifah (Corrupt jail matron) also star. The film won six Oscars (Academy Awards) including Best Picture, Zeta-Jones as Best Supporting Actor, Art Direction, Costume Design, Best Film Editing and Best Sound Mixing.

Note: Brief break in video at 4 min plus

The movie was based on the 1975 Broadway production of the same name. Music for both the play and film was written by John Kander with lyrics by Fred Ebb and Bob Fosse.

Cell Block Tango lyrics:
Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!

And now the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of 'The Cell Block Tango'

Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!

Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!

Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!

Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!

He had it coming, he had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same

Pop! Six! Squish! Uh Uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!

Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!

You know how people have these little habits

that get you down. 

Like Bernie. Bernie he like to chew gum. 
No, not chew. POP. 

So I came home this one day and I'm really irritated, 

and I'm looking for a bit of sympathy
and there's Bernie layin' on the couch,

drinkin' a beer and chewin'. 

No, not chewin'. Poppit. 

So, I said to him, "you pop that gum one more time..." 
and he did. 
So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots
... in to his head. 

He had it coming, he had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there 

If you'd have heard it 

I betcha you would have done the same!

I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City 

about two years ago

And he told me he was single

and we hit it off right away.

So we started living together

He'd go to work, he'd come home,

I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner.

And then I found out, 

single he told me, single my ass

Not only was he married, oh no, he had six wives

One of those Mormons, you know

So that night when he came home from work

I fixed him his drink . . . as usual

You know some guys just can't hold their arsenic

He had it coming, he had it coming 
He took a flower in its prime 
And then he used it 
And he abused it 
It was a murder but not a crime!

Now I'm standing in the kitchen

carvin' up the chicken for dinner,
minding my own business.
In storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage. 
"You been screwin' the milkman,"  he says. 

He was crazy and he kept on screaming, 
"you been screwin the milkman." 
And then he ran into my knife. 
He ran into my knife ten times!

If you'd have been there, 

if you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same

(Hungarian)

Mit keresek, én itt? Azt mondják, 
hogy a híres lakem lefogta a férjemet én meg 
lecsaptam a fejét. De nem igaz, én ártatlan 
vagyok. Nem tudom miért mondja 
Uncle Sam, hogy én tettem. Probáltam 
a rendõrségen megmagyarázni de nem értették meg... 

[The foreign woman's words roughly translate to: "What am I doing here? They say my famous tenant (Lakem isn't Hulgarian, but lakom is) forced my husband down, and I cut his head off. But it's not true, I'm innocent. I don't know why Uncle Sam says I did it. I tried to explain it to the police, but they couldn't understand me."]

But did you do it?

Uh uh, not guilty!

My sister, Veronica and I had this double act 
and my husband, Charlie, traveled around with us. 
Now for the last number in our act, 

we did 20 acrobatic tricks in a row
one two three four five...splits, spread eagles, 
back flips, flip flops, one right after the other.

Well, this one night before the show

we're down at the hotel Cicero, 
the three of us, boozin' having a few laughs 

and we ran out of ice so I go out to get some. 
I come back, open the door 
and there's Veronica and Charlie

doing number seventeen - the spread eagle. 

Well, I was in such a state of shock, 

I completely blacked out

I can't remember a thing, 

it wasn't until later

when I was washing the blood off my hands

I even knew they were dead

They had it coming, they had it coming

They had it coming all along

I didn't do it, but if I'd done it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

They had it coming, they had it coming

They had it coming all along

I didn't do it, but if I'd done it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

I loved Al Lipschitz more than I could possibly say

He was a real artistic guy, 

sensitive, a painter

but he was always trying to find himself

He'd go out every night looking for himself

and on the way, he found Ruth,

Gladys, Rosemary and Irving

I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences

He saw himself as alive

and I saw him dead

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

They had it comin', they had it coming

They had it comin', they had it coming

They had it comin' all along

'Cause if they used us and they abused us

How could they tell us that we were wrong?

He had it coming, he had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same

You pop that gum one more time

Single my ass

Ten times

Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe

Number seventeen, the spread eagle

Artistic differences

Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!

BIFF's Worst for the Week

We have already selected one bad musical number from Paint Your Wagon (1969) but in that movie, the team of Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe provided us with a 'twofer.' Who can forget the crooning of a young Clint Eastwood? Rex Harrison once talked with the animals. In Paint Your Wagon Clint timidly talked to the trees.

The song "I Talk to the Trees" merits this 'Worst of the Week' nomination. Selection was based not solely on his singing - - though Clint's voice is not the greatest - - rather the song clinches this award with its sappy lyrics.

Clint also sang "Gold Fever" in the musical movie. More recently Clint Eastwood has moved his focus toward tree descendants with last year's Spoken Arts performance: "I talk to the chair" and the chair didn't answer!

For the record - - in Clint's long and successful acting and directing career, he has never totally given up on singing. Here are a few examples:
Rowdy - from the Rawhide television series
Burning Bridges - title song in Kelly's Heroes
Beers to You - with Ray Charles in Any Which Way You Can
Bar Room Buddies - with Merle Haggard in Bronco Billy
Gran Torino theme song - with Jamie Cullum, song played over the ending credits

Lyrics:

I talk to the trees

But they don't listen to me

I talk to the stars

But they never hear me

The breeze hasn't time

To stop, and hear what I say

I talk to them all

In vain

But suddenly, my words

Reach someone elses ear

At someone elses heart

Strings too

I tell you my dreams

And while you're listening to me

I suddenly see them

Come true

I can see us some April night

Looking out across a rollin' farm

Having supper in the candlelight

Walking later, arm in arm

Then I'll tell you

How I pass the day

Thinking mainly how

The night would be

Then I'll try to find

The words to say

All the things you

Mean to me

I tell you my dreams

And while you're

Listening to me

I suddenly see them

Come true

This Week's Best Musical Number

In 2007 the musical film Hairspray followed plump teenager, Tracy Turnblad (Played by Nikki Blonsky), as she taught 1962 Baltimore "a thing or two about integration" while securing her spot on a local television dance show (Film based on the 1988 comedy film and the 2002 Tony Award winning Broadway stage play, all three of the same name). Watch the official trailer of the musical comedy that featured an all-star cast including John Travolta (Playing Edna Turnblood, Tracy's mother and agent), Queen Latifah (As "Motormouth" Maybelle, a Baltimore rhythm and blues radio DJ who hosts "Negro Day" on The Corny Collins Show), Michelle Pfeiffer (As racist and weightist Velma Von Tussle, the manager of station WYZT), Christopher Walken (As Tracy's father, Wilbur Turnblad, the easygoing proprietor of the "Hardy-Har Hut" joke shop) and Zac Efron (As a leading dancer on The Corny Collins Show). Hairspray set the record for biggest sales for an opening weekend by a musical movie until it was surpassed by Mamma Mia! and shortly thereafter High School Musical 3: Senior High. Hairspray now ranks as the fourth highest grossing musical movie in US cinema history.

The tunes crafted by Marc Shaiman (music) and Scott Whitman (lyricist) and delivered by a talented cast are with one or two exceptions all outstanding. There's the incomparable Michelle Pfieffer number "Miss Baltimore Crabs" and Christopher Walken and John Travolta (Mr. and Mrs. Turnblad) singing "Timeless to Me." But this week's Best of the Best selection is the opening song is a showtune from start to finish - - "Good Morning Baltimore."

Background narration in Portuguese from Brazil

The outstanding songlist and performances for Hairspray continues with numbers like "Welcome to the 60s" (Tracy & her mother), "You Can't Stop the Beat" (Featuring John Travolta as Mama Turnblad), "I Know Where I've Been" (Queen Latifa) and "I Can Hear the Bells."

Lyrics to "Good Morning Baltimore" by Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman.

Oh, oh, oh woke up today feeling

The way I always do

Oh, oh, oh hungry for something that I can't eat

Then I hear that beat

That rhythm of town starts calling me down

It's like a message from high above

Oh, oh, oh pulling me out to the smiles and the

streets that I love

Good morning Baltimore

Every day's like an open door

Every night is a fantasy

Every sound's like a symphony

Good morning Baltimore

And some day when I take to the floor

The world's gonna wake up and see

Baltimore and me

Oh, oh, oh look at my hair

(Would) you can compare with mine today?

Oh, oh, oh I've got my hairspray and radio

I'm ready to go

The rats on the street all dance round my feet

They seem to say, "Tracy, it's up to you

So, oh, oh don't hold me back

'Cause today all my dreams will come true

Good morning Baltimore

There's the flasher who lives next door

There's the bum on his bar room stool

They wish me luck on my way to school

Good morning Baltimore

And some day when I take to the floor

The world's gonna wake up and see

Baltimore and me

I know every step, I know every song

I know there's a place where I belong

I see all those party lights shining ahead

So someone invite me before I drop dead

Before she drops dead

So, oh, oh give me a chance

'Cause when I start to dance I'm a movie star

Oh, oh, oh something inside of me makes me move

When I hear the groove

My ma tells me no but my feet tell me go

It's like a drummer inside my heart

Oh, oh, oh don't make me wait

One more moment for my life to start

Good morning, good morning

Waiting for my life to start

I love you Baltimore

Every day's like an open door

Every night is a fantasy

Every sound's like a symphony

And I promise Baltimore

That some day when I take to the floor

The world's gonna wake up and see

Gonna wake up and see Baltimore and me

Yes, more or less we all agree

Baltimore and me

Someday the world is gonna see

Baltimore and me